Ordinary Tuesdays
Observations from everyday life. The small moments, familiar places, chance conversations, and ordinary experiences that quietly reveal something larger.
Lost for Words: Trying to Find Interesting Activities for Retirees?
I was at the bookstore the other day, standing in a long line that had only one cashier at the checkout. Malcolm Gladwell’s newest book was in, and I really wanted it.
I noticed the woman ahead of me was buying two books, a volume set, apparently. Then I noticed that she noticed that I was noticing. Both were recipe books. One was on canning and preserving fruits and vegetables; the other was about smoking and curing meat.
My initial thought was that she was either really into farm-to-table cooking or a doomsday prepper anticipating a zombie apocalypse.
So of course I started talking to her. I asked if she was a professional chef. No; she was a retired accountant. So what was the deal with those cookbook choices, I asked?
She’d been retired for about two months, and her daughter and son-in-law told her to get herself a hobby. And I’ll be honest, never, in my wildest dreams, did I consider making beef jerky to be an activity for a retiree…let alone an interesting one.
Turns out that the sudden need for a hobby had been foisted upon her. It wasn’t her idea, at all.
She had merely commented on missing her aunt’s homemade bread-and-butter pickles while looking at her daughter’s garden…it was overrun with cucumbers.
Then wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, her son-in-law dropped a bushel basket of them!
Yes, an entire bushel of cucumbers and a lovely little note, “We’d all love it if your new retirement hobby was making pickles.” It was hard to miss the sarcasm in her voice as she told the story.
I started to laugh, and so did she. Then she admitted to a few “sorry for myself tears” after he left.
She looked at me and said she had been a forensic accountant for over thirty-five years. She’d investigated tax fraud and had helped bring down racketeering rings. She was ” not amused” that her family reduced her to the “pickle lady” in less than two months.
Well, I have lived that dream, sister! Plenty of other people made assumptions about my newfound leisure time and the hobbies/activities that should be filling it.
Assumptions galore from all the “still working” family and friends!
All those well-meaning people.
The Words and Meanings We Attach to Activities for Retirees
Who decided retirees needed to find new “hobbies”? Or hobbies at all?
What’s the difference between a hobby and an interest? Or a hobby and an activity, for that matter?
How many times a week must you do something for it to be considered a hobby? Is the threshold time? Or how much do you enjoy it?
Is golf a hobby or a sport? Does the answer change if you play in a league?
Is playing Bridge three times in a seniors-only community an activity or a game? If cheese dip and crackers are served, is it now a social event?
Surely doing something charitable or philanthropic is an activity. But what if that’s just always been your nature? Is it a kindness, a habit, or has it become a part-time job?
If you start selling your art or short stories, are you monetizing a passion? Or have you inadvertently started a side hustle?
Furthermore, why do so many people assume retirees need or want something new to do? What if some of us retired early because we could afford to, and wanted to start a second career (hint: like starting a web publication)?
And what’s the deal with the word “new” always stuck on the front of the word “hobbies? All of us had interests, pastimes, “things to occupy our time” long before we stopped working. My “new” pickle-making friend sounded like a pretty fascinating person; she handled complex investigations and did some seriously meaningful work.
Insult to Injury
I can see why she was a bit insulted. Not because she couldn’t master making pickles. And possibly making sausage; after all, she also had a book on curing and smoking meat. But because the hobby suited their needs, not hers!
Five bucks says she would never have turned herself into Becky-home-ecky. I think her brief moment of “sorry for myself tears” was a lot like mine. Going from the dynamic job to the mundane chore in the blink of an eye. I can see how that would feel diminishing, even if it was done unintentionally. The absurdity isn’t that making pickles is inherently uninteresting or unworthy. It’s the enormous difference in intellectual challenge, responsibility, complexity, and consequence between those two activities.
The loss wasn’t simply her job. It was the apparent ease with which her respected, career-earned identity was so quickly and utterly replaced with something that felt almost trivial.
I’m not sure I could have found the words to explain these feelings/observations two months after I retired. There are many reasons that your retirement might feel weird; this could just be one of many.
Why do we assume that when someone stops working, their appetite for complexity, challenge, and accomplishment retires along with them? And why do we assume there is an immediate need to fill that void with a hobby, activity, interest, or game? Or that we don’t already have a bunch of those hobbies, activities, interests, or games waiting for us?
Related Reading
If you enjoy following ordinary observations that turn into bigger questions, you might also like:
- The Pygmalion Effect and the New Reality of Retirement Expectations
- How to Build a Happy Life… Are You Sure That’s What You Really Mean?
- The Extinction of the Ironing Board
- That “Something Feels Off” Feeling After Retirement—Explained
Research Note
The observations in this article are informed by ongoing reading and research in psychology, sociology, adult development, aging, friendship, purpose, identity, and life transitions. While these essays are observational rather than academic, many of the underlying ideas are grounded in established research.
- A Continuity Theory of Normal Aging — Robert C. Atchley (1989). Atchley proposed that people often maintain continuity with their earlier identities, habits, and social worlds as they age. It provides an interesting counterpoint to the assumption that retirement requires becoming an entirely different person.
- Missing Work After Retirement: The Role of Life Histories in the Retirement Adjustment Process. This study of 1,004 Dutch retirees examined what people missed about work, including income, social relationships, and status. Particularly relevant: a steep career trajectory was associated with greater difficulty adjusting to the loss of occupational status.
Cynthia Ross Tustin is the founder of I'm Thinking of Retiring, an online publication exploring the psychology, purpose, and everyday realities of life after work. A retired Fire Chief, former ICU and Emergency Room nurse, instructor, and policy writer, she combines lived experience, research, and a lifelong curiosity about human behaviour to write thoughtful essays on retirement, identity, purpose, friendship, and the ordinary moments that quietly reveal something larger. Through her Retirement Field Notes and Ordinary Tuesday series, she encourages readers to approach this next chapter with curiosity rather than certainty.
